It’s a business I tell you, relationships with my ex is just a business, just pay the money, smile and laugh.

And I have, but lately Shelby is asking to live with me and I’m so tempted to say, “YES, come down here. Joanna and I can take care of you.”

But that isn’t true.  I can’t take care of her because my hours are far from steady and normal.  Hell neither of Joanna and my hours are.

Take last night, I was at a remote at Buffalo Wild Wings, something that hasn’t happened for a long time and I wanted to just prove that I could deliver for them.  And I did, converting their QB1 from 2 players on Sunday (ALL DAY) to 20 in one night.  I felt good and I didn’t get home till 8 P.

Now it’s hard when you have limited local friends and family members are 5 hours away.  I didn’t think that it would be good for Shelby and Ryan to be living in my unpredictable life back when Angie left.

Now I could have gotten a court order to keep her in a nine country range, but I let her go. I did what I thought was best and karma would pay me back.

“Daddy, do you think you’d mind if I could come live with you after my cat dies? I know you are allergic to cats and I don’t want you to get sick,” Shelby told me last week.

I just looked at the phone and a tear fell, “When the time is right you will be here, Shelby.”

“Maybe I can go to Texas Tech and live with you.”

“I’d like that,” I said as I started to shut down.

That’s when I got sick.  I had worked the last two weeks preparing for the Eddie Money show and I ran myself down.

Thus when yesterday I started the phlegm and puke parade I wasn’t surprised.

But I wasn’t sad. It wasn’t tragic.  It was life.  And Johnny, life isn’t miserable.  I have a great woman who loves me and offers me opportunities to grow, love and fight for things that mean something to me.

I’m playing poker again. And winning.

I’m writing on the second half of the novel… and I think I’m seeing clearer than I ever have.

Finances still suck.  And last night an opportunity presented itself.

When I left the bar I checked the envelope that had my pay from the event.

And it was double what it was supposed to be.

And a moment presented itself.

I could :

A. Take the extra money, say nothing, think that it was a bonus that was earned for my hard work.

B. Take the extra money, and thank the poor shmuck who is going to have to pay it back.

C. Take the extra money, and think that it was karma paying me back for the $100 that I lost in the Texas Tech press box at the Rice game.

D. Go back and explain that something was wrong.

Obviously you know which choice I made.

But would you make the same choice?

Karma will pay me back in the future.