I’ve been thinking about a ton of things these last couple of weeks, doing the bi yearly reevaluation on myself trying to do better and be better. So because of this I came to a ton of conclusions.

It’s closing time at the bar of life and this is last call:

I’ve been thinking about a ton of things these last couple of weeks, doing the bi yearly reevaluation on myself trying to do better and be better. So because of this I came to a ton of conclusions.

I’m too open. Everyone can read me like a book because I let him or her. I let them read me because I am trying to fit in, trying to be more sociable and trying to move on with my life. This however isn’t working. I’m a cheat. I cheat myself daily because I give people the ammunition to hurt me emotionally and mentally. Yes, its my last chance for me to really open up to people, and I guess people will have to get me to trust them before I will open up again.

I know this seems close-minded but I feel that this is the best policy. You see I know I have a problem when I let everyone know anything and everything about me. Its too easy for someone to just find out what it takes to hurt me and let him or her do it. I try so hard to be everyone’s friend and the only thing that comes out of it is that I am no ones friend. I try hard to let people in only to keep them shut out.

Maybe my ex-psycho girlfriend is right. Nah, that can’t be it. Whew that was close.

I guess I have to look in the hard places to find what I want to find maybe what I truly need. Hard places like my heart. There are days where I feel confident and cocky followed by days where I would rather just stay alone. But its better to what is hard than to do what is easy. I’ve been doing the easy path for a long time. I only object and make peoples lives miserable when I think I am getting run over. The problem is that sometimes you don’t know you’ve been run over until you’re face first with tire marks on your back.

I feel for my friends. I have one friend who has to live with someone falsely accusing them of a crime that they did not commit. The even sadder thing is that my friends’ good name is being trashed without truth to the incident. My friend will have to live the life of someone who will always be accused of the crime that was never committed.

But I think that’s the problem with our world. We try to find perfection where we need to find right now or just okay. We search and look for various things, money, fame and happiness, which were never ours in the first place. We try to make chicken salad out of chicken dung and all we make is a mess.

It’s closing time at the bar of life. The tender comes down looked at me and says, “You’ve had enough”. The problems is, I never drank a drop in the first place.