Friday I went into the surgery center looking to be out by 3:30.  The doctor had told Joanna that if I wasn’t out at 3:30 that it would be time to worry.

I went at High Noon bringing the necessary paperwork and with a slight amount of fear on my mind. I knew that Doc Chako told me not to worry.  I remembered that a couple of my good friends at University Medical Center had told me great things about Dr. Thames, my surgeon.  But in my world, a healthy amount of fear is warranted.

12:14 the paperwork was done and I was sitting in the waiting room with my parents.  Joanna had given me a wave as I walked into the center.  She was nervous and I talked to her while we waited.

12:28 each second brought to me a new degree of fear, fear of the unknown.  Dad and I started making jokes about things not to hear during the surgery or what to do if we see the white light.

At 12:38 they called me back and the nurse asked me to do the thing that embarasses most men before surgery. “Please change into the surgical gown.”  Now the surgical gown was short and it was cold in the room.  There was NO way I was giving up my lucky socks.  Yup, there was a fight for about one minute and she realized that she wasn’t going to win.  So the socks remained.

At 12:45 she started the IV in my arm.  I hate needles more than anything in the world, nothing worse than having a hard piece of metal in my arm.  So I started to watch tv waiting for the surgeon.

The surgeon came in and talked to me and marked the sites of the various removals.

Then I waited…

and waited…

then the director of the center came in and said the words that I’d been hoping for.

“With all the areas that we are working on we have a problem sir.  If we try for a local on everything we’d have issues with toxicity.  And I know you prefer to live.”

Uh huh.

“Doc, let me tell you this, if you have to make me watch this, I’m going to be sick.  Knock my ass out.”

“Really sir? Are you sure, because there are some men that don’t want to be knocked…

“Mamm, KNOCK MY ASS OUT!”

“We’ll you are in the hole, we have two more surgeries before you…”

So I waited…

Finally the anesthesiologist comes in and looks at me.  “Well, um, I know it’s 2:15, is there anyone you need to call to let them know that you won’t be ready at 3:30.

CRAP!

They went out into the waiting room and pulled my Mom and Dad in  to let them know it would be a while. We sat and talked.  I got happy feet and asked if I could use the restroom, since I hadn’t had anything since Midnight.  I needed to piss like a racehorse.  So I went and came back and the anesthesiologist came into the room and looked at me with a BIG NEEDLE in her hand.

I finally left for the fun part at 3:00

“Is that the KNOCK MY ASS OUT POTION?” I asked.

“No , this is the I don’t give a shit potion, I’ll hit you with the knock your ass out potion in the OR,” she laughed.

As she inputted the “DGAS” portion of the meds in my arm I didn’t feel any different. I gave Mom and Dad a kiss and told them “I’ll see you on the other side.”  The nurse looked at me funny and both dad and I laughed.

I was wheeled into the OR and Dr. Thame’s gave me the thumbs up signal.

I gave him the Thumbs Up and the anesthesiologist the sign, “Give it to me baby,” I slurred.

She hit me with the drugs and everything went black.

When I came to in the recovery room I’m swollen, in pain and don’t remember a thing.  They had taken the tube out of my mouth and I felt like I had hitten by a truck.

Then the drugs hit and I really don’t remember much from Friday evening to this morning.

Hydrocodone is evil.

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If you don’t want to see the following pictures, please don’t look.

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I am serious, this is the last warning.

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No , I’m really serious Waffles, no other chances.