One afternoon as I was staring into the middle of space I was wondering what would happen if I could interview the Big Guy, The Intelligent Designer.
I started writing questions that I would ask… and the answers just poured out too…
My questions in bold
Intelligent Designer, Big Guy, you have so many names, what would you like to be called?
I’ve been called many things my child, let’s stick with Big Guy, though I have lost weight lately. I know you prefer it so, Big Guy.
Ok Big Guy, tell me about your hobbies…
Mainly I watch my creation and putter around in the development department daily.
Development Department?
Yeah Sean, you can’t have those “Amazing Discoveries” if the R&D department isn’t working.
So what are you working on now Big Guy?
Flowers, I feel that you can’t have too many beautiful flowers. Don’t forget sunsets either.
Isn’t that less than manly Big Guy?
My child, I have to have flowers and sunsets to balance off those videos of guys getting kicked in the crotch.
Really?
Truly! There is balance in the world. I have to have good to balance evil and vice versa.
So is that why there are still wars going on in the world?
There has to be war for there to be peace. If I give you Joy in the world all over and then when you come to heaven you don’t appreciate the beauty and wonder that I have created. For you to truly know happiness you have to have experience sadness. You have to have pain to discover what love is.
What’s your biggest disappointment?
Your ex-wife. (chuckles) I thought I would try one of your ex-wife jokes out. They do seem to get a chuckle of me occasionally. Where was I. Seriously I am disappointed in the small things that people everyday don’t notice.
Like what?
The laugh of a newborn, the dew on a spring morning, the first ray of sun, the stars in the sky and a twinkle in an old man’s eye.
The sound of a spring thundestorm?
EXACTLY!
What is your greatest accomplshment?
Free will. That was a tough one to finally finish out. We had to work out some of the kinks bad in the Old Testement times but once we got it working perfect it is my greatest joy.
What has humanity screwed with that has angered you?
The female body. How many breast implants do we really need in the world? If you think that you are going to be able to milk that silicone you are out of your mind. The whole thing with breasts was it was supposed to feed your children. But vanity has run amok. How many $400 purses do you need? Luxury cars that people don’t drive but own do they say they have one. BAH! I’m disappointed on the lack of ability for humanity to share.
Isn’t that a little socialistic of you?
I share the world with you, why can you share your fortune with those less fortunate?
Wow, let’s change the subject.
I’m glad that you know when you are beaten Sean.
How many prayers do you go through in a day?
Wow, last count I get 1.4 Billion Prayers every minute.
Really?
Truly!
What’s the most common prayer? To win the lottery?
Actually no, that whole movie took the prayer thing and made it silly. And I was honored that such a wonderul actor like Morgan Freeman did a great job of being me, I loved the line “Parting a soup is not a miracle, Bruce. It’s a magic trick. A single mom who’s working two jobs, and still finds time to take her son to soccer practice, that’s a miracle. A teenager who says “no” to drugs and “yes” to an education, that’s a miracle. People want me to do everything for them. What they don’t realize is *they* have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle. “ Actually most common prayer is please help (insert loved one of choice here). 2nd most common one is the last prayer before death or what my children think is death.
Explain…
Death is such a misconceived notion. People think that life is over when there physical body’s life is at its end. Their existence continues on and on. All they have lost is there physical existence. Their consciences continues on forever.
WOW, deep.
Well you need to get to being on the air and I need to go create a sunset or two. Why don’t you wake up once in a while and see one of them. You keep talking, maybe once again I’ll come and let you interview me again. And as for someone special. Remember I’ll answer your prayers in my time. Take a number. (chuckles) I love that line… take a number (as he stands up and floats up a rainbow to the sky)