Dear Big Guy,

I’ve been thinking about what you say about turning the other cheek
and I say screw it. I’m having problems lately with people who have no right doing what they are doing but seem to be getting away with nearly murder.

Why? I don’t understand.

I try to do good, nice things but seem to be always tested. Why is that? Are you trying to make me stronger for some bigger deeper test? Why?

I wish I could have a conversation with you, but I have a feeling it would be like talking to a therapist.

“So why do you do that to me?” I’d ask.

“Why do think I do it to you?” you’d reply.

ARRGH.

I’ve never had patience, it’s not been one of my strong points in my life. I’ve never waited for anything. Actually I wait for things but I hate the waiting process.

Maybe that’s why you are so damn quiet.

Now you have me thinking.

But maybe that is your purpose.

Get me thinking, get my mind moving.

Again, I’ll bring up the recurrent theme so far in the last couple of months, I’d like to find someone that isn’t 27 , a virgin and psycho.

Maybe you have someone waiting for me and I’m just not ready for them. Or maybe I have to be patient and wait for someone to be ready for me. This is way too confusing.

In other thoughts to you, please watch over my brothers. I know that they are doing something on some path you have set out for them, but a big brother worries.

Please keep an eye on my sister next to you. Don’t take any of her lip and remind her that I miss her terribly.

Patience is what I need now Big Guy and I don’t have any left. I can’t stand being at work, home or anywhere. I just want to be somewhere without being here. Maybe I just need to let things go.

People tell me that I should leave my problems in your in box and let you take care of them. The only problem is I pass your inbox all the time and I see all the things that are covering my problem up. How can I just let you handle them, if you are bogged up in the first place?

I wish I could give you an easy answer you’d probably say, but you’re still not talking to me.

What it is, is that I hate being single and there is such self doubt that has been put on my plate for the last two years, especially the doubt that I get daily from the new owners.

Is that part of your plan?

You know a friend of mine said today something about “Sometimes you just have to go all-in.”

I think all the time about the chances that I have taken in the past and wonder if it is time for me to take another jump, a leap of faith as you will say.

I haven’t gone all-in in a while. Put life in my own hands. I do like doing what I do, but it is a difficult path for me to take to choose another career or make a move that isn’t been planned out for months in advance.

Maybe I should start writing for me again. I’ve enjoyed writing for people and maybe I should let people see the stuff I have written, or write stuff for magazines etc.

Maybe going all-in is telling someone that I like, how I feel. I tried that with one of my friends and got the “OH, really… You’re so sweet.” That just made me want to get violently ill at the side of the road.

Then I have a friend who just turned 20 who thinks I am the cats meow, but I have no feelings for her whatsoever. But she’d do whatever I asked, no questions asked.

Then I have the 27 year old virgin that I can’t stand and she wants me to take her virginity.

But a woman I truly care for I can’t have for she is dating another man, and I agreed to let her follow that relationship to the end even though I pray that it ends each day.

I just don’t understand big guy.

But I’ll be patient.

I guess I have no choice.

Remember to send that special woman to me soon please…

Thanks!

Your friend,

Sean