Day 1-3 with the Kids…

Less than 48 hours with the kids and I gotta say that every time that I say it’s hard watching them grow up away from me is yet another time that I have no idea what I am talking about.

I am watching my own worst nightmare and my own best dreams come true in the growing up of my kids.
On one side, Ryan and Shelby are intelligent, loving, well rounded children who have many things going for them

On the other side Ryan and Shelby are one coo-coo from a cocoa puff nutso crazy courtesy of my ex-wife Angela.

As I have posted before, my daughter Shelby has been put into therapy to help her verbalize her anger especially to the anger that developed when I “Abandoned her” Now for some new members of the You can’t make this stuff up blog, No I didn’t abandon her, yes Angie left me. So you can understand my confusion and sympathize when I try to understand my daughters warped thought process brought on by my ex.

I told her she couldn’t do something (what it was is meaningless {It was have a drink of juice 30 min before we got onto the airplane which will cause a nightmare situation of trying to take a little girl into an airplane (turbo jet super small plane) bathroom } ) Now the first response was the traditional six year old anger tantrum.

Now I was surprised to see the second step (and probably the first step of her treatment kick in) with her calming down and telling me ” I am angry because I would like to have a drink because I am thirsty and you won’t let me. ” Very good Shelby vocalizing your anger now let’s try my response and see how it works.

“Good Shelby, I understand you are mad at me but I am not letting you have a drink because you I need you to not have to goto the bathroom on the plane and seperate you me and your brother.”

Was this an appropriate response.
Probably not. But then I changed the subject and it was forgotten.

I think the verbalization of her anger instead of yelling is a great first step for her if she was 26. But she is six. She has no concept of why she is doing what she is supposed to be “practicing” and then asking me 3 min later for a drink proves my theory. That she asks, throws a temper tantrum, verbalizes, pauses , asks again and is giving what she wants by her mother. I disagree with giving everything my kids want and need.

I was giving nothing and yet everything. I was giving tv’s and stereos for my room, but was given no personal freedom by my parents, end result: You decide.

My younger twin sisters and my youngest brother was given no tv/stereos yet was given not only the personal freedom by my parents but was raised in an encouraging household. End Results: Three degrees (4 if you count Kiri’s law degree.

So I want to help my kids get everything my younger sisters and brothers learned and none of the discouragments that I had so they can end up with the degrees and the happiness instead of the heartaches.

Now I believe that the heartaches that I have encountered have made me a better man. I wouldn’t have taken under the Children’s Miracle Network Radiothon had my sister Tara had not died. I saw a different side of my parents the day my sister died, and the younger kids benefitted from that grace. So I have become a different and better person because of situations beyond my control.

So my goal is to have fun with the kids, give them all the love in the world while they are here, and let them know that every day, their Daddoo is thinking of them.

I sit here typing, watching them sleep and watching the angels watch over my kiddos.

I am truly a lucky man.
Now I really got to start fixing other things that I CAN CONTROL!
But more on that later.